Okay I’m speaking from the heart this time. I am going to use a word I really don’t like to use so you can rest assured I mean all this with every fiber of my soul.
I hate dialysis! I hate having to go to dialysis and spending the time there in an uncomfortable chair. I hate the dialysis chair (with a passion!). I hate having to watch what I eat. I hate watching what I drink. I hate that I can’t drink any soda whenever I want. I hate having to sit in the waiting room for my chair and it’s a half hour past the time I expected to be on dialysis! I hate that I have to bring so much stuff along with me to dialysis! I hate having to be nice to someone when I really don’t feel like being nice that day. I hate giving up elements of my freedom to someone else to take care of me. I hate getting home after dialysis and feeling like crap! I hate taking a handful of medications every night. I hate taking binders with everything I eat. I hate having to remember to take my binders with everything I eat! I hate paying for my medications knowing that I have so little in the bank and it mostly goes to paying for my medical needs. I hate co-pays and deductibles. I hate that I don’t have the energy to lose the weight I need to lose! I hate that I can’t get out and play soccer with my boys like I used to. I hate that my eyes are taking so long to heal and might not get any better. I hate that I can’t drive my own car and get around like I used to. I hate that the government keeps trying to cut back on what they pay for my dialysis when the costs for it keep rising. I hate that my expenses keep rising for things like food but my income doesn’t go up.
I hate that kidney failure infects every aspect of my life. Oh, but wait. My kidneys failed. Without dialysis, I would be dead. So maybe I don’t hate it so much.
© 2013 DevonTexas